no. you can't hotbox the world.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
