she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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