I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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