i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
