I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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