He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
