I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Randomize
