kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
