i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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