it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
