She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
