In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
