I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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