So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
