A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
