My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
