So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
