i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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