Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
