She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You made out with two different species that night
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
