The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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