I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You pole danced in your parka.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
