FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
