at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
