Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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