As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
