i permit you to call me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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