Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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