He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
