If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
