She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
