Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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