just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
