There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
