Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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