I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
home. puking in laundry basket.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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