is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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