glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
