All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
