i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
