im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
