My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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