Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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