The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
