Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
