the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Alive.
So much puke
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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