tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
