Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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