Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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