nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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