onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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