Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
