i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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