Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
