i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
