if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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