i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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