I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
